So, And Thus...

Analogies & Metaphors

I love stuff like this!

(from an email I received today)

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their  collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers  across the country.

Here are last year's winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
14. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
15. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds  who had also never met.
16. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
17. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
18. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
19. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
21. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
22. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one  slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
23. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
24. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Today's the Day!

Happy Birthday to my Honey! Love ya.

Daniel Kurtzman: McCain and Palin In Their Own Words: 25 Laughable Quotes

1. "Our economy, I think, is still ― the fundamentals of our economy are strong." ―John McCain, Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008 (Source)

2. "The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should. I've got Greenspan's book." ―McCain, as quoted in the Boston Globe, Dec. 17, 2007 (Source)

3. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where ― where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." ―Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS News's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008 (Source)

4. "[Sarah Palin] knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. ... And, uh, she also happens to represent, be governor of a state that's right next to Russia." ―McCain on Palin's foreign policy experience, interview with WCSH-6, Portland, OR, Sept. 12, 2008 (Source)

5. "They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." ―Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco, Oct. 5, 2008 (Source)

6. "Well, let's see. There's ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―" ―Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Source)

7. "I think ― I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where ― I'll have them get to you." ―McCain, after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, interview with Politico, Las Cruces, N.M., Aug. 20, 2008 (Source; take a Google Earth tour of the McCain residences)

8. "I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." ―Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008 (Source)

9. "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." ―Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Sept. 30, 2008 (Source)

10. "I think if you're just talking about income, how about $5 million?" ―McCain, after being asked by Rev. Rick Warren to define "rich," Lake Forest, California, Aug. 16, 2008 (Source)

11. "Maybe a hundred...That would be fine with me." ―McCain, to a questioner who asked if he supported President Bush's vision for keeping U.S. troops in Iraq for 50 years, Derry, New Hampshire, Jan. 3, 2008 (Source)

12. "Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." ―Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008 (Source)

13. "You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran." ―McCain, breaking into song after being asked at a VFW meeting about whether it was time to send a message to Iran, Murrells Inlet, South Carolina, April 18, 2007 (Source)

14. "There was an energy bill on the floor of the Senate loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney. You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one." ―McCain, pointing to Barack Obama during the second presidential debate, Nashville, Tennessee, Oct. 7, 2008 (Source)

15. "I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to Nowhere." ―Palin, who was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it, multiple speeches (Source)

16. "I was looking at the Sturgis schedule, and noticed that you had a beauty pageant, so I encouraged Cindy to compete. I told her [that] with a little luck, she could be the only woman to serve as both the First Lady and Miss Buffalo Chip." ―McCain, on the annual Miss Buffalo Chip Pageant, which features topless (and occasionally bottomless) contestants, Sturgis, South Dakota, Aug. 4, 2008 (Source)

17. "I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.'" ―Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council (Source)

18. "I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." ―Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008 (Source)

19. "She's a partner and a soul-mate." ―McCain on Palin, whom he had met only once before selecting her to be his running mate, "FOX News Sunday" interview, Aug. 31, 2008 (Source)

20. "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt." ―McCain, to his wife, Cindy, after she playfully twirled his hair and said "You're getting a little thin up there," as reported in the book The Real McCain by Cliff Schecter (Source)

21. "That's exactly what we're going to do in a Palin and McCain administration." ―Palin, elevating herself to the top of the ticket, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Sept. 18, 2008 (Source)

22. "We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and dignity." ―Palin, in her speech at the Republican Convention, quoting the fascist right-wing columnist Westbrook Pegler, an avowed racist and anti-Semite who once lamented that Franklin Roosevelt's would-be assassin hit the wrong man and also expressed his hope that Robert F. Kennedy would be gunned down (Source)

23. "Honestly, I have to analyze our relationships, situations and priorities, but I can assure you that I will establish closer relationships with our friends, and I will stand up to those who want to harm the United States. ... I have a clear record of working with leaders in the hemisphere that are friends with us and standing up to those who are not. And that's judged on the basis of the importance of our relationship with Latin America and the entire region." ―McCain, after being asked if he would invite Spanish President Jose Rodriguez Louis Zapatero to the White House, casting an ally of the U.S. as a potential enemy while simultaneously confusing Spain for a Latin American country, interview with Radio Caracol Miami, Sept. 17, 2008 (Source)

24. "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" ―Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008 (Source)

25. "Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners. And the same standards of clarity and candor must now be applied to my opponent." ―McCain, Bethlehem, Penn., Oct. 8, 2008 (Source)

Daniel Kurtzman: McCain and Palin In Their Own Words: 25 Laughable Quotes

The "Source" links didn't come across. Follow the link to the original posting for working links.

Sarah Palin sounds like Miss Teen South Carolina... again

Well, she was in a beauty pageant, right?

I love the irony in Sarah's response, especially-- "in terms of being able to answer a question forthrightly". Jeez, just look at this response, not to mention the numerous others that make little or no sense!! She can't compose coherent sentences, yet she has the gall to criticize (however misguided, but that's another rant) someone else for allegedly being evasive.

From the op-ed in the NY Times:

"Palin finally took questions on Tuesday from her traveling press corps on her campaign plane. Asked if she thought Senator Obama was dishonest, McCain’s Mean Girl meandered:

“I’m not saying he’s dishonest, but in terms of judgment, in terms of being able to answer a question forthrightly, it has two different parts to this. The judgment and the truthfulness and just being able to answer very candidly a simple question about when did you know him, how did you know him, is there still — has there been an association continued since ’02 or ’05, I know I’ve read a couple different stories. I think it’s relevant.”

Yea, Pepto-Bismol, Yea!

I just love this!

I saw this commercial the other night while watching TV with Ein Oso. He looked over to see my reaction, knowing how this is SO me! Hilarious!

Bad Lyrics: Jill Jones - All Day, All Night

After reading this excellent post on Prince songs over at Xo's Middle Eight, I though I would give my Jill Jones album a spin. (I know, you don't give albums a "spin" when they are file based. I wasn't going to write it, but what can we say now instead of that?)

After reading this excellent post on Prince songs over at Xo's Middle Eight, I though I would give my Jill Jones album a click. (is that better?)

The song "All Day, All Night" came on. Soooo obvious that Prince wrote it. Then I found myself singing to this lyric in the middle of the song:

Oh, is this your mouth?
Am I swirling in some wet tornado?
Oh, U make me wanna shout
When I'm in your arms, I feel like Play-Doh

Oh Prince... yes, you written some so many good songs, but some of your lyrics have been pretty wacked. "Wet tornado"? Ugh, the image of Prince's oversized tounge fills my mind, I can't even Febreez the image away. MAJOR UGH. And rhyming that with "Play-Doh"? I mean, that's just Silly Putty.

Songwriters' Pact

Dear songwriters of the world.

Let us make a promise to each other that we will never again rhyme the words "world" and "girl". It's been done to death and it just sounds bad.

And while I'm at it, I'm advising you to stay away from rhyming "New York" with "dork". No explanation needed.

Thank you,

El Marveloso

The New Fragrance By Mariah Carey..

Miley "Embarrassed" Over Vanity Fair Pics

Another day, another candid-camera controversy for Miley Cyrus. The Hannah Montana star has issued a statement about her provocative pictures in the new Vanity Fair. Snapped by renowned...

View Original Article

Embarrassed how the pictures turned out? Hello! You took off your clothes and only had a bed sheet covering you. What did you think it would look like?

McCain Girls - Here Comes McCain Again

This is just tragic. How can they desecrate this classic Eurythmics song? I don't want to give McCain any more press than he deserves, but these girls are so, so bad... I just had to share! It would be tolerable if I knew they did this for the camp factor, but they are way serious about their McCain.

The old white woman can actually sing.

(h/t Towleroad)