I love stuff like this!
(from an email I received today)
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
Here are last year's winners.....
- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
- He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
- Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
- Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Here is the one I sent you three years ago. Many still are on
the new list. (Many from England-British spelling.) Enjoy.
Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving
like a student on 31p-a-pint night.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh
Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook
latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly
up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the centre
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like
two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36
p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough
at 4:19p.m.at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full
stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound
of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage
during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red
crayon.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long
it had rusted shut.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue
during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get
from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame.
Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like
someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like
something no one had ever seen before.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda
Jackson MP in her first several points of
parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader
of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary
Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz
MP.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came
as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free cashpoint.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an
oscillating electric fan set on medium.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
She grew on him like she was a colony of ecoli and he
was room-temperature British beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98
missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a
first-generation thermal paper fax machine that>
needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you
accidentally staple it to the wall.
Posted by: Animal | November 03, 2009 at 06:11 AM
Actually most of these came from a Washington Post contest me and La Magnifica used to follow.
(I forgot I had this list.) These were written on purpose.
Here they are properly attributed. Chuck Smith from Woodbridge was the man trouncing many in the competition.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other Sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. - Sue Lin Chong, Washington
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. -Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. -Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. -Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -Russell Beland, Springfield
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. -Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. -Roy Ashley, Washington
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Chuck Smith,Woodbridge
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. -Russell Beland, Springfield
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. -Unknown
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. -Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. -Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. -Wayne Goode, Madison,AL
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. -Russell Beland, Springfield
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.-Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.-Unknown
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. -Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut. -Sandra Hull, Arlington
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" -Jean Sorensen, Herndon
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. -Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. -Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. -Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. -John Kammer, Herndon
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. -Barbara Collier, Garrett Park
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. -Susan Reese, Arlington
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. -Marian Carlsson, Lexington
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. -J. F. Knowles, Springfield
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. -Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. -Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. -Unknown
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. -Susan Reese, Arlington
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. -Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. -Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. -Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. -Sue Lin Chong, Washington
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. -Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Posted by: Animal | November 03, 2009 at 06:32 AM