While looking up some more information on Colossus, I came across this website on gay comic book characters. Colossus (the Ultimate X-men reality) is gay and he has a crush on Wolverine?! I feel so out of it. Next thing you know, they're going to say the Super Pussandra is a lesbian!
(Hmmm... I would have though Colossus would have a bigger steam cloud.)
I thought I would share some of the most hilarious interpretations of World History (according to college students) from the book Non Campus Mentis, compiled by Professor Anders Henriksson. My comments can be found in orange italics.
On "History" itself:
History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815. (If only.) Thus we should
try to view historical times as the behind of the present. This gives incite into the anals of the past.
Now I understand!
From the secondary sources we are given hindsight into the future. Hindsight, after all, is caused by
a lack of foresight. (and foreskin) Another useful method to achieve this and other perspectives is
through textual decomposition. Literature can open valuable windows into the past if the reader is
careful to pluck bites of reality from the author's figlets of imagination. Figlets are good.
On the "Stoned Age":
Prehistoricle people spent all day banging rocks together so that they could find something to eat.
This was the Stoned Age. Brilliant! I'm sure the guy who wrote this is working in the White House.
Prehistory, a subject mainly studied by anthroapologists, (sounds painful and I never heard one
apologize) was prior to the year 1500. (!?! Oh, if there were only so little to study.) When animals
were not available the people ate nuts and barrys. (Most guys named Barry didn't mind so much.)
Social division of labour began when a tribe would split into hunters and togetherers. (I'll go hunt...
you stay with him.) Crow Magnum man had a special infinity for this. (4WD) Advances were most
common during the intergalactic periods. Obviously.
On Antiquity:
Civilization woozed out of the Nile about 300,000 years ago. The Nile was a river that had some
water in it. Every year it would flood and irritate the land. This tended to make the people nervous.
I could see why... if the land was irritated.
There was Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt. Lower Egypt was actually father up than Upper Egypt,
which was, of course, lower down than the upper part. This is why we learn geography as a factor in
history. (Oh, that's why!)
Rulers were entitled Faroes. A famed one was King Toot. (Who loved to eat the musical fruit.) It
was a special custom among them not to marry their wives.
The pyramids were large square triangles built in the desert. O'Cyrus, (the only Irish God in
Egyptian religion) a god who lived in a piramid, would give you the afterlife if your sole was on
straight.
Members of the upper class were able to live posthumorusly (their tombs were a riot) through the art
and facts buried with them. (Quick...we need more facts!) Eventually the Egyptians drowned in the
desert. (A very slow and dry death.)
Mesapatamia was squigged in a valley near the Eucaliptus river. (It smelled horrible.) Flooding was
erotic. (That's how I like my flooding!)
Babylon was similar to Egypt because of the differences they had apart from each other. (Aha!)
Egypt, for example, had only Egyptians, but Babylon had Summarians, Acadians, and Canadians, to
name just a few. (Those darn Canadians are everywhere!)
The Sumerian culture, which was oldest, began about 3,500 years before Christmas. (To be
specific.)
People were allowed democratic freedoms like taking an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
(Looks like we're bringing democracy to people who already have it!)
Hammurabi was a lawyer who lived from 1600 B.C. to 1200 B.C. (Ask him about Herbalife.)
Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. (Mask and all.) This was a duelist religion.
The three gods were "Good," "Bad," and "Indifferent." These beliefs later resurfaced among the
Manatees. (And then were quickly submerged again.)
The history of the Jewish people begins with Abraham, Issac, and their twelve children. (Don't ask,
don't tell.) Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named "Yahoo." (Oh my
God...I know him! He gives me messages daily...mostly spam) Old Testament profits include
Moses, Amy, and Confucius, who believed in Fidel Piety. (One of the only reasons Confucius was
born was because of a Chinese tradition.) (Those crazy Chinese!)
Moses was told by Jesus Christ to lead the people out of Egypt into the Sahaira Desert. The Book
of Exodus describes this trip and the amazing things that happened on it, including the Ten
Commandments, various special effects, and the building of the Suez Canal. (Wow! I had no idea.)
This concludes the first installment... I hope you enjoyed it!
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